I feel like I'm vibrating with all the things and ideas I have, right now. I want to stop time. It's almost like a burden, sometimes - lol. That sounds silly, but I'm starting to feel this way at certain moments. A good burden? Knowing in my lifetime it would be damn hard to try everything I want to try. Do everything I want to do. It can be overwhelming.
No complaints, just simply wishing for once there was only one idea and not a string of them waiting to 'be'. You know? It's like running uphill, sometimes, in my mind. I need to remind myself that I am where I am on the hill, and it's okay to be there. I need to look at the ground under my feet and not wish I was further along with my wants & things. Enjoy the run, perhaps? lol.
Also, unrelated - I'm horrible at keeping in touch with people. Just horrible. I wish I was not, but it's *so hard* for me to change. It feels like it's at the core of me. I've been worried about this lately, a little. Feeling a little judged by it, even.
I especially hate phones. Not to mention that time feels like it flies by so fast that the 'I'll call you back soon, like next week' really feels like it's still next week, 4 or 5 weeks later. Literally. Hopefully those who know me know this, and don't take offense, by now. Those who know me know I'd much rather write a letter with pen & paper and snail mail it, or have a conversation face-to-face. lol. It literally takes me weeks of putting calls off to finally sit down and do it, usually.
Sometimes I wish that some people understood that what is a simple do-it-everyday phone call for them is a burden to some. From somebody else's shoes, yeah? I mean, with the exception of calling my close family & friends, of course. Calling the dentist? Forgettaboutit. Takes me *weeks*.
That said, I hate cell phones, too. lol. This may stem also from being subjected to many rude retail patrons when I worked at a mall (those people who don't get off the phone when they're trying to buy something, don't even acknowledge you or say thank you). The more dependent the world gets on them (ie: 'text this to blah blah to unlock your grocery cart', etc...) the more I dislike them. Why not just put a quarter in? Goodness.
People put themselves in harms way for these phones/this all-the-time contact (texting while driving, talking while on a bike with no helmet), and that's just not cool or safe for anyone. I don't understand that this call may be more important than your life. I like the stigma that comes with being unavilable, sometimes, maybe. I certainly don't want e-mail or texting available to me twenty-four-seven, in my hand. I like to unplug and step away too much. 8 hours a day of computer work is enough for me, thank you! I do okay, considering. We manage, believe it or not, with a home phone.
These last two points are both probably related to the fact that I can't express myself in (spoken) words. lol. Literally. I have a very hard time with it. I could write it down in a fast second and it would be *perfectly* how I want it to be expressed, but my actual words get all fumbled up. lol. If I tried to say this? Phew. Thus, poetry got me through highschool. I'm forever indebted to the pen & paper, for getting me through the drama of ages 16-19. lol.
So, now you know.
I may be the last person on earth who doesn't have a cell phone, and I'm cool with that. lol. Neither does my husband. I only really really get a pang of wonder about it when the old man next to me in the airport or something is texting away. lol. Like, perhaps I'm the behind-the-time grandpa. But then it goes away.
By all means, please don't be offended if you have a cell phone!
To each his own! Such is the beauty of having choice in life. :)
You now know I also like snail mail. And that I worked at chocolate store for years and am now somewhat of a chocolate snob, though I still eat reese's even though I know it's just wax & cocoa butter. lol. And if I don't call you, it's a personal struggle, not any fault of yours.
Bless you, if you read this whole pouring out. Bless you.